Is someone you know dreaming of a green Christmas? Check out our holiday gift guide

That’s right: Christmas is here! Or at least near. Time to roll up a Yule-log-sized blunt and blaze until 2020 is over

green-christmas

Photo by The Cannabiz Agency/iStock/Getty Images Plus.

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Christmas time is here
Happiness and cheer
Fun for all that stoners call
Their favorite time of the year

That’s right: Christmas is here! Or at least near. Time to roll up a Yule-log-sized blunt and blaze until 2020 is over. But before you do, spare a thought for anyone in your bubble who might be dreaming of a green Christmas.

And by “green”, we’re not talking about grass.

Well, okay, maybe we are. But not the type you mow.

To clarify, we’re talking about pot. Weed. The devil’s lettuce. Cannabis, in other words.

In the interest of inclusivity, we’ll take this opportunity to acknowledge that other celebrations are also on the horizon. These include Bodhi Day (December 8), Hanukkah (December 10 to 18), Saturnalia (December 17), Pancha Ganapati (December 21 to 25), Yule (December 21 to January 1), HumanLight (December 23), and Kwanzaa (December 26 to January 1). So many reasons to spark one up!

If you’re thinking of doing most of your shopping online this year to avoid doing the zombie shuffle through the mall, we feel you. Hell, we’ve done all of our Christmas shopping on the Internet since Donald Trump was known only as a second-rate real-estate developer. (As opposed to a third-rate president.) So, we get it, and a certain global pandemic only gives us all the more incentive to avoid crowded public places.

Anyhow, the point is that Christmas time is here. And so, please accept, as our present to you, this holiday gift guide for anyone dreaming of a green Christmas.

Northern Lights indica

Northern Lights indica.

We’re not saying Santa Claus smokes weed. Maybe he does and maybe he doesn’t. All we’re saying is that if ol’ Saint Nick wanted to get a little more jolly, Northern Lights would likely be his go-to. The high-THC indica is one of the most popular strains of all time, after all. And if it’s good enough for Santa (theoretically), it’s good enough for the rest of us.

Here’s how our friends at Online Dispensary Canada describe it: “Northern Lights’ psychoactive effects settle in firmly throughout the body, relaxing muscles and pacifying the mind in dreamy euphoria.” The dispensary also purports that the strain relieves pain and sleeplessness, “while its mellow contentment roots out depression and stress”. Find it here.

CBD Bath Bomb

CBD Bath Bomb by Euphoric Bliss Co.

While the efficacy of CBD is still uncertain, one thing is undebatable: everyone loves a good bath. Well, everyone with good sense, that is. When your cherished recipient pours a steaming-hot bath and drops one of these EuphoricBliss.Co bombs in, the 100 mg of CBD will help them find a state of sublime relaxation. Or maybe it’s being submerged in a tub full of steaming-hot water that will do it. Either way, at the very least the CBD won’t hurt. Find it here.

Bamboo stash box

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Kozo stash box

Remember that SNL skit where the hippie proprietor of the Out of Africa Primitive Art shop describes the true purpose of each item, whether it be a “ceremonial spirit box” or an “ancestral rattle”? “You put your weed in there,” he tells each customer in turn. Undoubtedly Rob Schneider’s finest moment!

Well, when the lucky recipient of this bamboo box from Kozo tears off the wrapping paper, you’ll get to say the immortal line yourself. In addition to a place in which to put their weed, you’ll be giving them a grinder, an odour-proof jar and bag, and a rolling tray. Find it here.

Honeystick Elf Vaporizer

Honeystick Elf Vaporizer

Full disclosure: we selected this vape for our green Christmas list for its name alone. Look at it, though! It’s adorable. And vaguely elfin. It’s certainly one of the most compact designs on the market. Honeystick touts the Elf’s powerful 3.7 volt auto-draw battery and a liquid-level window that ensures you never run out. “Enjoy stealthy and satisfying hits anytime, anywhere,” the sales copy reads—which quite frankly sounds like the sort of behaviour that will land you on the naughty list. Find it here.

DOSE Wine Gummies

DOSE Wine Gummies

Presumably carved by gummy artisans who work exclusively in the medium of gummy, these edibles pack 20 mg of THC per candy. In addition to the Wine Duo variety shown here, they also come in Peach Bellini and Strawberry Champagne flavours. And they probably taste as much like those beverages as Wine Gums taste like wine. But did we mention that each candy contains 20 mg of THC? Find them here.

Cannabis leaf face mask

Weddingstar face mask

Let’s face it, even with vaccines on the horizon, we’ll all be wearing face masks for the foreseeable future. Weddingstar is a great case study in COVID-era pivoting. The company was already well-established as a source of accessories and favours for weddings and bridal showers. When the pandemic hit and such gatherings were cancelled en masse, Weddingstar switched up its business model to become one of the leading manufacturers of 2020’s most ubiquitous fashion accessory.

Since nothing tells the world “Hey, I’m a pothead” quite as effectively as wearing clothing emblazoned with cannabis leaves, this might be the ideal present for the shameless Mary Jane enthusiast on your list. Find it here.

Euphoria Extractions cookie

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Euphoria Extractions cannabis cookie

We’re not saying Santa Claus enjoys weed edibles. Maybe he does and maybe he doesn’t. All we’re saying is that if you choose to leave one of these out on December 24, you should include a note to let ol’ Saint Nick know that it ain’t your typical chocolate-chip cookie. After all, no one wants to be known as the person who dosed an unwitting Kris Kringle on Christmas Eve.

With 100 mg of indica-derived THC per cookie, this edible from Euphoria Extractions shouldn’t be left out where wee elves can be tempted by it either. Find it here.

Pot leaf cookie cutter

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Ann Clark pot leaf cookie cutter

If, on other hand, you prefer to craft your own kooky cookies to give out and spread that green Christmas cheer, this made-in-the-U.S.A. alloy-steel cookie cutter is the perfect gift to give yourself. Find it here.

THC-infused massage oil

Flowerr Botanicals massage oil

From Flowerr Botanicals, this almond-oil-based product bears the name This Dope Sh*t—which is either very cool or extremely crass. You decide. The almond oil hydrates and rejuvenates your skin while the THC eases aches and pains. Or maybe it gets your skin high. Who knows? You can also use it as a bath oil. And as we’ve already established, everyone loves a bath. Well, everyone with good sense, that is. Find it here.

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